When I was a child, of around 7 years of age, I remember going to bed every night, praying I'd wake up as a boy. And every morning, I really and surely expected to wake up different. I never did, but then come night, I'd have the same prayer again. I was never bitter, a few hours awake and I was distracted the way only children can be. I wanted a different life, but I wasn't blind to how good I actually had it. I don't think I ever formally thanked God, prayers really been something I haven't learnt to stick to yet, but God was a friend to be loved. He was the one who took care of me when mom was angry, who made sure I found the Snickers bar my folks hid and protected me from what was beneath my bed every night. He didn't punish me. Every time I fell from my bicycle, I learnt how not to steer. Mom and Allah Mian were the first two entities I called out when I was sad or hurt.
22 years of age.
I don't call out to mom. I call out to the friends I was lucky to be blessed with.
After that, way after that, I call to God. But mostly I remember Him when I'm really sad and nothing else helps, or really happy and I am afraid something will jinx it.
However, I'm mostly bitter or angry. And I'll take that out on food, or sport. Or God. Thats the excuse I'll give for not praying. The days when I actually need to give myself an excuse that is. When stupid conscience starts poking.
Like right now. But I'm not moved enough to kneel just yet.
6 comments:
August 23, 2011 at 5:56 PM
This happens when you take the blessings in your life for granted. The ability to walk, breathe, eat, drink, pee, poo AND THINK and TYPE are all b/c He has been kind enough to LET you. The minute He (God forbid) denies it, will surely make you kneel down. Let HIm not show His wrath. The way HE loves you, you can NEVER love Him back. The least you can do is kneel down and drop a pearl of gratitude!
August 23, 2011 at 6:11 PM
I know Aamna.
Its just a habit i keep slipping off from, i.e. praying.
August 24, 2011 at 6:28 PM
This is exactly what i was about a year back but you know Jub ALLAH hidayat dena chahte hain tou bus sub kuch saaf saaf nazar ane lag jata hai, i had crazy experiences in a span of just 1 month which really made me change my life! its simple if you cant pray namaz, then at least pray to GOD to forgive your sins every night when your going to sleep:)
AR
August 27, 2011 at 3:02 PM
Thanks AR:)
And good to have you on my blog again :)
October 26, 2011 at 6:30 AM
I would totally agree with Ms Aamna. We take things for granted as far as Allah is concerned, we can't even imagine how lucky and blessed we are as compared to millions on this planet who suffer and long for things that we enjoy even without realizing. Surely, prayer is not the only act through which we can show our submission to Almighty, but to start our lives on the path drafted by Allah which begins with the end (of our wishes).
A personal suggestion of mine to the blogger; if you've taken out time to right this entry then that means something pricked you, which is again a sign by our Lord and hence you should act upon it. Try restoring Salah, as it's an essential and would be the 2nd thing asked about when every soul shall return to the crust.
June 9, 2012 at 4:38 PM
I have an exam to study for, but this piece moved me beyond words. However, that is not why I am posting this comment. I am here to say that I completely and utterly disagree with the take on what 'prayer' is in the comments above. I do not disagree with the point made that one must never express ingratitude for all the one has, but my battle is with the contention that prayer is a form of submission or an 'obligation', and that it must be performed, lest you be struck down by wrath of the Almighty. Prayer is conversation with and praise of God. It is a beautiful, wonderful gift. To attempt to tell someone,even with the best intention possible, that by not praying they will invoke the wrath of God, is enough to drive anyone away from prayer. Prayer comes from the heart, and that is how it should be. If someone does not find it in her heart to pray yet, no one is qualified to predict that a bolt of lightening will strike her for not doing so. Undoubtedly, we all can agree that God can appreciate the difference between a prayer made out of fear and a prayer that comes from your very being.
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